Maybe I'm completely out of the mainstream. Either that or a number of parents I've met have been bamboozled. One thing is for sure, some body has lost their way. Here's what I'm talking about. I heard a stay at home mom say that she feared that she was hurting her children by not putting them in daycare. Is it me who's lost her mind?
I don't think I've ever heard that before. I've heard of women (or in some cases, dads) who have left their jobs to be stay at home parents. But the idea that you are "harming" your children by "denying" them the benefits of daycare just seems nuts to many of us?
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Well, let's put daycare in its proper place. For many individuals it is a necessity, plain and simple. Some parents have no other choice. I am in no way criticizing parents, who for the sake of making a living, and keeping body and soul together have to place their children in daycare. But there is no evidence I know of that indicates that the best place for a month old baby is laying in a bed at daycare. But there's an abundance of evidence pointing to the fact that the first few months and years are a critical time for children's bonding. It's much better that they bond with their natural parent if possible.
Children in daycare also tend to catch every bug that comes around, so it seems like they get sick more often. I've heard the argument to this point that they get these childhood diseases out of the way and build a tolerance to them earlier in life. There was a time when I bought into that argument, but after watching the general health of daycare kids vs. stay at home kids I'm not entirely sure about that. I'm willing to say that if that's what you believe, you may be right.
But let's look at another simple fact of life, there is virtually no way a worker at a daycare center can love your child as much as you do. Even if they could love them in the same way you do, the ratio of caretakers to children in most daycare centers are four or five to one. Even the most dedicated, compassionate worker simply doesn't have time to give as much individual attention as is sometimes needed.
What About the Benefits of Daycare & Preschool?
There are some benefits to daycare. I can't think of any advantage to putting a four week old infant into daycare, except, as mentioned above - sometimes it is a financial necessity. As the child grows to toddler age, a good case could be made that children in daycare improve their social skills. I agree.
Certainly by age three or especially four, the benefits of daycare begin to grow. Most kindergarten teachers say that children who have been to preschool have less of an adjustment when they enter kindergarten class. These kids almost always know the alphabet, colors and can count (some to higher numbers than others) they make the adjustment to "sitting still" at their table better. They are less likely to suffer from separation anxiety.
OK Rachel, Just What Are You Saying I Should Do?
I am not saying that you will "harm you child if you put them in daycare at three weeks old, but if you must follow that road, you should try to spend as much bonding time with them as possible before and after work.
If your finances will allow, consider the value of staying at home with you children for the first few years.
What Then?
At this point the question becomes even more personal. Daycare at this age begins to make more sense. But what if you want to keep your kids home with you for longer? Either way you go will probably be fine.
Even as they get into the toddler age, there are plenty of other ways to get your child into social activities outside of daycare. Are there other kids in your neighborhood? What's wrong with playing with those kids? There are also the park, Church, community activities, etc.
As for learning their colors, counting, and alphabet, there have never been so many resources. My kids learned how to count watching Nick Jr. & PBS kids, and I taught them myself. Let's face it, you don't really have to know too much to teach a child the alphabet, colors, and counting to 30. I also spent a few dollars on a product that helped me teach my kids phonics.
The Most Important Things
I'm old enough to have watched several children grow up. In my personal observation, it seems that kids who are loved and nurtured at home, seem to do just fine whether they attend daycare or not. So my friend who fears she's harming her children by staying at home with them...well, that's just silly. To those of you, who by necessity place your children in daycare, as tired and busy as you are, find a way to spend quality time with them when you're home. Love them, read to them, kindly discipline them, make them feel secure - they'll be fine, and so will you.